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Relationships 101

janine-relationships

Good Morning Beautiful, and happy Monday morning! My current view includes overlooking a beautiful Fall sunrise among the crisp landscape of orange, yellow, and red sipping a yummy cup of coffee. No better time than the present to get up, get caffeinated, and get moving with the day. In the midst of it having been a LONG, but productive weekend, I had high hopes of getting a fair amount of work done yesterday afternoon. It was a perfect day to sit on the couch, turn the fire on, maybe a little football int he background, and just grind out stuff for the week. Instead, I found myself sipping cocktails and reflecting on my relationships. The very relationships I have with my family, friends, business partner, co-workers, and even my boyfriend. Wait, you didn’t know I have been seeing someone?

So much of this stemmed from reading a post by a very well known social media influencer yesterday. It was beautiful, emotional, and such a monumental announcement she shared. At the same time, she talked about how she has shared everything with her community over the last decade, and this just seemed to follow suit and be the most natural. It started having me question a lot about what I do, how I share, am I good enough to be in this space, etc. The “comparison trap” is a real thing, as is this feeling (no matter how hard I try to let it go) of trying to attain a level of perfection in every facet of my life. Yes, relationships included.

One of the biggest things it brought up for me – and I am not really sure why but it lead to a much bigger discussion – is have I lost sight of my own relationships? In my quest to be the perfect daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend, business partner, co-worker, influencer, and girlfriend, have I lost sight of their true meanings? Generally speaking, I am extremely private with my personal life. Yes, I know, my line of work has me in the social media eye, and to be an influence within the community (and the world) means being your true, authentic self and putting it all out there for the world to see. While I do “put a LOT out there” – the good, the not-so-good, and the hot mess – there are still things that I keep close to my heart. It’s not meant to be secretive, or discreet, or even untruthful. When I feel the time is right, then it will be shared. And these are the boundaries that I have set for myself and my business.

Actually, I have found myself in this pattern outside of my business too! This is what I really started to reflect about – work will always be there but when it starts to consume you outside of the 9-5, and you start to let everything get dictated by it, this is where you may start to feel that the wheels are coming off the track. I started to thin about it more in terms of “how can I re-focus my time and energy on the what’s really important all while being more present and aware?”

It’s not about perfection or how well you do something but it is about being authentic, true to yourself, and PRESENT in your space. Your home space, work space, family space, etc. For example, if you have an argument with your significant other, it does not man you are a failure at the relationship. Conflict-resolution is what strengthens and builds a healthy relationship; one that I did not have many, many years ago, and one that I am trying my hardest to nurture, protect, and grow right now without the public needing to know every nook and cranny. FYI:  I have been on an English Muffin kick – hence the analogy! Ha! If you are not allowing yourself the space to work through these types of things on a deeper level, but more on a superficial one, how can the relationship, actually, grow into something a whole lot more meaningful. While I could go on and on, but these were the types of check-in’s with myself that really were eye opening.

When you get “stuck,” it’s hard to see bigger picture, even when you don’t think you are stuck. And don’t take it personally, or become defensive, when someone calls you out on it either. Yes, I tend to not take constructive criticism well but to be a better version of our current selves we need to be open and aware…and kick that perfectionist mindset to ‘da curb!

I was, recently, recommended a book by a local small business owner “The Spiritual Dimensions of the Enneagram” that does an in-depth look at the nine faces of the soul, what they reveal about our own personalities, and, ultimately, how they can open our eyes to a deeper level and understanding of people and relationships. She had noted that it has been a great resource and tool to working with people in her business, and I may find it to be extremely helpful as well. If you have read, and could shed some more light, I would love to get your feedback.

And, yes, Matt and I have been dating since April. It will be seven months this week and, well, it’s the happiest I have been in a really long time. It’s what a real relationship is all about, and one that I will continue to keep you in the know about (again, when it feels right). Hey, this was a big step sharing this much! 

Here’s to a wonderful week filled with love, nurture, and growth in all of your relationships! If you are feeling like I was a bit all over the place, well, I am working through my process! 🙂

xoxo

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